When I originally published my list of the 19 most popular COVIDs back in March 2020, I was a young man with a bright future ahead of me.
In hindsight, my choices were lackadaisical and needlessly thoughtless, like most life decisions made by young men. Now, a lifetime later – just two weeks away from retirement – I’m ready to revise this list so that the world can finally move on.
There are a few things to address before we get started.
- I understand how passionate COVID fans are when it comes to this subject. Please remember that this list is just my opinion. If your favorite COVID isn’t where you think it should be, please don’t think it necessary to attack me on social media or burn down my home (climate change will eventually do that for you anyway).
- While the ultra-rich are already talking about how amazing COVID-22 and COVID-23 are, I’m ignoring everything past COVID-19 for the sake of simplicity.
- If you haven’t already, you should get vaccinated.
Let’s do this…
1. COVID-10
Most of you think I’m picking this one just to be controversial, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. And if COVID-10 isn’t your #1 choice, then you’re either lying to yourself or you forgot about how much fun it was. This is where COVID really came together as a series.
2. COVID-1
The original! This is a classic. Hands down. The only reason it’s not higher on the list is that COVID ended up being the mother and not COVID. Sure, it made for a cool twist, but it feels like they weren’t planning for the possibility of a sequel. And we all know how COVID-2 turned out!
3. COVID-12
I know what you’re thinking? Christian, everyone hated COVID-12. You’re putting this on your list so high just to be contrarian and cool. And maybe you’re right.
4. COVID-7
As you know, this was the first COVID that came out after Disney bought it. Now, I don’t want to get into why Disney feels like it needs to buy every virus; nor do I want to get into a discussion of how this is pretty much a remake of COVID-1. COVID-7 did what it needed to do to get all of us back on board, especially after the misfire of COVID-3.
5. COVID-6
After going to camp and jail, I suppose COVID going to school made sense. It shouldn’t have worked, but I thought they knocked this one out of the park!
6. COVID-4
Yeah, I know. Before you go to social media and start attacking me, hear me out: this is the one that went to space.
7. COVID-3
A lot of people hate COVID-3 because it had nothing to do with the COVID series. But that’s why I enjoyed it!
Coming October 2021
8. COVID-8
This was the first COVID without Paul Walker in it. I know the fans were nervous, but it proved that COVID was really about family, and not just one person.
9. COVID-16
Once you get past the fact that it’s a reboot (again!) and basically a remake of COVID-10 (#1, baby!), this is a perfectly serviceable entry in the series.
10. COVID-18
Arguably the last good COVID?
11. COVIDS-2
What’s scarier than COVID? COVIDs!
12. COVID-15
The COVID within the COVID concept was interesting, sure, but at the end of the day, COVID-15 was too meta for its own good.
13. COVID-17
This is a difficult one to rank and an even more difficult COVID to talk about, especially online. It’s important to remember that it is possible to dislike COVID-17 and not be a homophobe.
14. COVID-11
This one came out right on the heels of the amazing COVID-10, so it’s disconcerting how terrible COVID-11 was. Most of all, out of all of the COVIDs, this one has aged the worst. If this were released today, COVID would have been canceled before you could get your mask on. This is saying a lot considering what happened with COVID-12.
15. COVID-5
I don’t know who this one was made for. Nobody wanted to see a COVID end with a low-stakes street fight.
16. COVID-13
I understand why this one is usually #19 on a lot of lists. Even though it’s essentially a bottle COVID due to budgetary cuts after the controversy surrounding COVID-12, COVID-13 plays with a lot of big ideas. This is the thinking person’s COVID. It addressed a lot of the problems with the series as a whole, all while being a back-door pilot for Ebola.
17. THE COVID
Even its back-to-basics title couldn’t save the trainwreck that was COVID-9.
18. COVID-14
This one was an absolute disaster. Whoever thought a clip COVID was a good idea should have lost their job. No one wanted to watch the best moments from the previous 13 COVIDs – they just wanted a new COVID! And that framing device with Jan-Michael Vincent was a terrible misfire of epic proportions. One good thing I will say: I didn’t realize COVID-6 was played by George Lazenby until I saw this one.
19. COVID-19
The worst of the worst. It feels like it never ended.
